Can't Take It Any More

For several years now, I have taken my mother-in-law and brother-in-law to their appointments, pharmacy, bank and to stores. I also ran errands such as shopping, buying cigarettes, picking up prescriptions and almost anything else that they wanted me to do.

But, I'm fed up and I "can't take it anymore." My mother-in-law almost never appreciates what I do for them. I can do 100 errands for them in a week; going to three, four or sometimes more places for them in one day; and I translate medical jargon into layman's terms at the doctors' offices. But, what do I get for all my trouble? $10 or less (sometimes $0) for "gas", which I can deal with. But, then my mother-in-law will put me down, complain that I and/or my husband did something wrong and/or find something else to gripe about. She complained last night about them "being alone" but that is her own fault. She is a bitter and vindictive hag that's made enemies with all of her neighbors and most of her brothers and sisters.

Well, I've decided that I'm not going to take her constant criticism and griping. I MIGHT take them to medical appointments, but I am NOT going to buy cigarettes, pick up prescriptions or go grocery shopping for them. She doesn't need to be driving, but there are two taxi companies in town and groceries and prescriptions can be delivered.

Now, I'm sure that one or both of them will be even more angry than they are now, curse me and/or wish me dead. But, I've got to draw a line. I've got to say, "No. I will NOT get out and be your errand runner for more than two trips per week!" "No. I will NOT go get your cigarettes." and/or "No. I will NOT stop at five different places."

Start (or Continue) a Journal

Today, my humble advice is to Start or Continue a Journal. If you haven't already recorded your thoughts, feelings and/or questions, then start. Have a journal or diary? Then bring/keep it up to date.

If you're just starting, you may wish to write in a notebook, diary or journal. Or, you may want to record your voice and/or you can try an online journal. Try one method and then another if you're not sure how you want to record your thoughts. OR, you can keep separate journals for different topics.

You don't have to write every day, but record good times as well as bad times. Journal when you have questions, when you're confused, when you're anxious or depressed, when you're sad and when you're happy.

I have listed Live Journal on the side for those who wish to try the online method. Users may choose to make their journal(s) private or public and you can search for public journals with similar subjects and/or problems.

Tied in Knots

Tied in Knots – originally written Aug. 14, 2009

I fidget – a lot. Most of the time, I fool with with my hair. I braid it, twirl it, tug on it and sometimes twist or tie it into knots. That's what I've been doing all morning and that's what I did for three (3) or more hours last night. It would help if I showered and washed my hair, but only for a little while. As soon as I sat down to watch TV or something, I'd be fidgeting with it again. Even when I put it in a pony tail or wear a bandana over it, I still find ways to mess it up. I've even had to go get one knot CUT OUT by a beautician because I couldn't un-knot it myself! I've tried several other things such as playing with rubberbands or a stress ball, but nothing stops me for long.

I need to do something productive that will distract me from always fiddling around with my hair. I've thought about learning to knit and I have at least one latch-hook project (I think) but, again, I would probably not stick to it!

I need a purpose! I'm not just talking about something to do such as washing dishes or doing other housework – because I hate housework! I need a real purpose, a goal other than taking care of other people or even other pets. What I need is a job outside the house or else I need to physically go to school!

Now, that may sound drastic or even crazy to some people, but I need the structure. I need someone else to tell me what to do and when to do it. I need a schedule and/or deadlines. I need a reason to stay up even on days when my stomach hurts or I'm extremely tired and most of all, I need a reason to take a shower other than my hair being dirty.

Attention Deficit Disorder or ADHD

Hi, again.

Just a short note to say that Anxiety and Depression are very common in people Attention Deficit Disorder, also known as ADD or ADHD. My links will now include sites that address the disorder, its symptoms and treatments.

Cleaning Up My Cobweb

Hello to anyone who might "follow" this page. I flipped through a book about building web pages and blogs and it says that a page that hasn't been updated in a long time is called a "Cobweb."

I realize that this blog may qualify as a Cobweb page and intend to change that. However, I will not concentrate on the "Help" area any longer because there are plenty of books, articles and web pages for that already. Instead, expect many more links to click on.

"So, what are you going to write?" you may wonder. You may anticipate the following:

• My journal entries -- either in type or as a picture (of my longhand)
  
• Writing/journaling prompts when I think of them or run across one I hope you like
• Suggested books, blogs, articles, etc. with short reviews when needed

I hope this doesn't turn you off too much. Feel free to comment on this and on everything I add in the future.

Exercise, Writing Prompt

July 14, 2009: What makes you happy?

Write about anything that makes you truly happy, not just what you like. For instance, you may like money or a good job but what can cheer you up no matter how bad your day has been?

Terrific Slide Show

I know that I haven't posted on here in a L-O-N-G time, but I just found out that "Anxiety is a common symptom of depression." That's right, anxiety is a COMMON symptom.

If you're like me, you thought they were co-existing disorders, that they "fed" off each other and/or that anxiety caused depression. Check out this link for more depression information.

Slide Show

Tough Two Weeks

I've had a rough, stressful two weeks. My mother-in-law fell off a ladder two weeks ago today. It took three or four days for her to go to the doctor.

Today, I went to the wedding reception of one of my sisters. At first, I felt out of place -- there were a lot of people there and I didn't know most of them. Having kids playing and strangers passing by brought out the worst "social anxiety" I've felt in a long time. But, the food was ready within 45 minutes and we gathered in groups to eat. I started feeling more comfortable after we all sat down. We ate outside in/on her carport and at tables lined up on her back yard.

Hi, again.

I haven't written on here for quite a while. I just want to say; we should be thankful for the good things in life. And, there are almost always good things if you just look around.

I try to write down my good times as well as the bad. Sometimes I use a special notebook for good times. I call it my "Happiness Journal."

Seeing a rainbow, horses, nice cars or pretty scenery cheers me up and I record that for future memories. I want to remember being happy, especially when I'm having trouble in life.

I'm Tired

I'm tired a LOT. As a matter of fact, I've written at least one journal entry titled, "Always Tired". But, today I'm tired because I had to get X-rays of my left knee which has been hurting for approx. a week. One "position" they wanted me in was agonizing and brought tears to my eyes. Another two or three were very painful. Why does pain and/or very high anxiety make someone tired? It could be (IMHO) due to our bodies trying to compensate for what it thinks is an attack that we are neither fighting against nor fleeing from. Or, perhaps it's because we are fighting our urge to flee. Either way, pain, anxiety and especially a combination of the two can make a person extremely tired!